So I know a girl who's in a band. And her band got a record deal and moved to London, because, you know, that's where you go to be someone.
I just watched her new video and I remembered spending an (un)healthy portion of last Summer waking at 2pm. Sitting on my bed. Chain smoking. Eating tiny meals. Listening to their demos.
And she's invited me numerous times to go down to see her but that takes organisation and enthusiasm and I'm not in that mood right now. But she's one of my favourite people because when I talk to her she actually looks like she's interested in my neurotic ramblings. And because whenever I go out with her she always takes me to places that don't have names, or lit entrances, or rules.
I shouted Ian into my hotel room. It was 11am and it was the second morning of a 3 day coastal city break. He'd brought my phone charger.
So I know Ian likes me, because Rick told me on New Years day, and he's good looking and everything but he looks like J and it freaks me the fuck out. So I can't find him sexually attractive, like, i'd totally jump his bone otherwise. Because he's 30 and buff.
He got into bed. He made small talk while I drifted in and out of sleep and his hand started to stroke my back. I felt his face in my neck and his warm breath tingled. I was hungover and I wanted to be left alone but I also wanted to feel affection, and that's always better when it's not coming from yourself. I guess.
I turned onto my back and his hands ran up and down my stomach. I turned my head towards him and looked into his blue eyes. He looked relaxed, my eyes probably looked cold and dry.
He kissed me hard and we soaked into the bed. He pulled down my navy cotton Ralph Lauren pants and started to jerk me off. I closed my eyes and heard him pull down his jeans so I opened them and put my hand towards his huge dick. It was massive, i'm pretty sure it scared me but I closed my hand around it. We jerked eachother off and he cummed onto his chest. We lay there for a little until I got up and went to have a shower.
He wasn't there when I came back. I got into bed and slept until 3pm.
I was near the De Wallen district in Amsterdam in a bar called The Queen's Head. I walked in with C who was wearing an ankle length peach gingham dress and I was wearing a white t shirt with narrow blue stripes on the bottom half, and black levis jeans and brown brogues. And I'd had the sides and back of my head shaved to a number 2 before I'd left England and so my quiff looked pretty fucking cool.
So I walked in and a drag queen shouted down the microphone at my expense, 'He looks like a fucking Jean Paul Gualtier ad!'
So I died a little inside at the attention and sat in a corner while C ordered our drinks. And when I say I died a little inside; really it made my night but I obviously kept my emotionless face in case anyone there thought I might possibly be approachable.
So we drank our drinks and walked downstairs where we sat on a couch and smoked while two men kissed furiously opposite us. The little one (there's always a little one) was straddling the big one who was sat down. And their hands never left eachother and even though it was repulsive C and I couldn't stop watching and finished our cigarettes without saying a word.
We walked down to our hotel and stopped at a club on the way. 3 or 4 drinks were finished during which a chinese girl asked me to make out with her and an italian boy named Feliciano kissed me on the cheek and 3 boys took off their shirt and danced on the bar, and a man from South Africa told me he'd been mugged and then bought me a drink.
And it was pretty much the same the next night, except we were with an English girl called Rose who we'd met and she called me 'darling' all night while sipping gin.
Sat in an Arts Cafe in the centre of a city drinking some fruit juice and reading a news app on my phone when it rings.
This is what the moderately crowded room hears:
'Do I need anything else apart from my passport?
I'll be there in an hour.'
I don't really like facebook, and on the rare occasions (once every 3 or 4 days is rare right?) I log on I usually don't post anything or reply to anyone.
But I was in some bar in some town on Friday night after having Mexican with J and Y and we had a pitcher each and C had text me telling me to look at the group message on facebook about our Ibiza holiday.
So I log onto facebook in the bar. Now if I saw someone on facebook in a bar i'd seriously question their social skills, but J and Y had gone out for a cigarette and I was left at a table alone with 3 pitchers and 3 glasses so I thought I should at least cut myself off from everyone else in the room instead of aimlessly staring at people.
I read the message.
I update my status; 'A pitcher and 1 glass please'
I check my news feed: Simon has checked into bar. 13 minutes ago.
Oh fuck, see this ruins everything. He's in the same bar, I know he's in the same bar, I can't see him but he's here and I know it.
I panic, and then I reminisce, and then I panic again. I refresh facebook and my status has 2 likes and a comment; '*1 straw' so I comment 'yeah fuck the glass' and then realise I'm supposed to be panicking.
I tell Y and J when they come in and together we come up with a plan: do nothing.
I mean really what are my choices:
1) Check into the bar and he either doesn't see it and it makes no difference, or he sees it now 30 minutes after he checked in and thinks i'm completely stalking him.
2) Text him something all fuckery like 'Just seen you're in bar, me too ;)' and seem as equally creepy as choice 1.
3) Do nothing and secretly hope I run into him by taking frequent smoke/toilet breaks.
So I chose 3, but I never saw him and by 1.30am when I was heading home (work) I was drunk enough to text him 'just got on facebook at home and looks like we were in bar at the same time :)'
And he texts back 'Shush!' which I kind of liked because it's the sort of thing i'd say.
I didn't text him back.
I'd had maybe 5 doubles, 3 cheeky vimtos and 3 shots. And I was pretty buzzed and I think Blur-Tender was playing. I was wearing a white t-shirt with blue stripes on the bottom half, and black levis 519s and my brown brogues and it was around 1am.
I was dancing with J and JD and I looked into the crowd and saw a boy (is 26 still a boy? And I'm only guessing he was about 26 but I have no idea) smiling at me. Around 6ft, tan skin, short quiffed hair, cheekbones to die for. He wore, actually I can't recollect what he wore but he looked like my kind of person.
So I carried on swaying to Blur and held eye contact and returned the smile. He motioned me over with his finger, but I never follow that, so I carried on smiling and he started towards me.
I don't know what happened but he charmed me in some way and 10 minutes later I knew he was called Simon and I was letting him pull my face towards his and had a hand on his chest and the other on his waist. We kissed a lot and he bought me a drink and then we went out side for a cigarette. But I can't remember what we talked about. But I remember I liked him which is a pretty good sign considering I hate most people.
I know at one point later in the night I was inside sitting on a leather sofa next to J and I think The Knife-Pass This On was playing. And I saw Simon across the room, and he looked at me and just lifted up his top to show his total 6 pack. So I left J mid conversation and went for some more of Simon's sweet sweet sugar (ew).
We swapped numbers and I remember that i'd forgotten his name when I went to type it my phone so he put it in, his full name, which I told him was weird.
He asked me to go back to his but I said no. I didn't want to leave J getting a taxi back to his alone, it's expensive.
And that's all I remember, apart from a text I sent him at 5.13am saying 'What happened to you Simon?'
He text me back at 9.43am and I woke at 1pm and text him back. We chatted for awhile; I was lay on the couch and he was buying a house.
I want more of Simon. I hope he wants more of me.
Here's pics from his facebook.
I went out on New Years with my manager Rick, supervisor Mel and 3 of my manager's friends. I drove myself and M to R's house at 7pm and we began drinking.
Rick's friends arrived:
Ian-28, his ex-bf who he's still great friends with, but nothing would ever happen between them again. Around 6ft, short blonde hair, big build.
Matt-25? average height, short dark hair, average looking.
Ivan-30(ish), Bi with an ex-wife and 2 children. Had that Eastern European look, over 6ft, nice body. But wearing white linen pants. I feel like he probably goes hiking.
We get a taxi to the city at 9pm and go to a few bars, JD meets us with 2 small bottles of vodka. We enter the club and the night passes by. I don't remember what happened at midnight. I do remember meeting JD's mates boyfriend. And I kept telling JD's mate that I fancied her boyfriend. He's so Mancunian and she's so indie; they're totally Woody and Lo (except they're Pope and Jess):
We left at 5am and jumped in the taxi. I was sat between Ian and Mel. We were shouting and laughing and then a few people started falling asleep. Ian lay his head on my shoulder, his eyes open. His hand touched the back of my neck in a friendly 'great night mate' kind of way. Then it slid down to my shoulder blades in a 'how drunk are you?' kind of way. Then it slid down the bottom of my back in a 'it's the end of the night, wanna fuck?' kind of way. And I ignored it in a 'you're my manager's ex kind of way',
We got home and went to our beds.
The next morning Rick comes downstairs where Mel and I are playing Wii and whispers 'Ian fancies you.'
So I tell him I think he's good looking but it feels weird because of their situation. Rick tells me it doesn't bother him at all, and says I should go on a date with Ian. I tell Rick that I'm too busy with work and exams at the moment.
Rick told me Ian asked if I had asked about him in work the other day. It's my last exam tomorrow so maybe i'll facebook Ian in the next few days.
Rick is leaving on Friday and I'm dreading it. I know I'm going to end up doing all the manager's jobs. We have a roaming manager coming into the store next week but I doubt they'll do much. I'm just waiting for Rick to get the job in a new store opening in 2 months so I can go join him.
I'm going to Leeds this Thursday and Saturday for night out.
Thursday with 7 of my ex-housemates and meeting 5 people from my old job. I have Friday off so it's going to get messy, combined with the fact that all of my housemates are total drunks I'm scared for our lives.
Saturday with other Uni friends which I planned 2 weeks ago because I was supposed to have Sunday off. Now Rick is leaving I have to work but I'm not letting it ruin my plans. I'll control myself (lulz) and get up at 9 on Sunday and drive back to Manchester.
So that's it, I wanna find my future husband and/or get laid. Leeds is usually a good place to do that.
I turned 22.
I met 6 of my closest friends in a pub the night before. And by closest I mainly mean in terms of distance because I had only just arranged this get together 2 hours prior.
But J was there. And JR. And they really are my closest, in the relationship way.
I was handed a bottle of Chase Vodka by L, my ex-housemate, and told 'I know you'll put it to good use.'
I was handed a classic gold Casio watch by JR, and told 'I know you don't wear watches, and I know you probably hate gold, but I'm making you wear this, it will look all indie and vintage and I know you want that.'
I was handed 'Prep' by Curtis Sittenfeld, and a copy of 'Where the Wild Things Are' by my friend Cass because she's my book buddy.
The other 3 gave me gifts of more alcohol, a CD, and a nautical brooch.
So we drank and I was given compliments like 'you look great tonight' and 'you're much less spiteful lately' but only because it was my birthday.
We confirmed plans for a night in Leeds later in the month with the rest of our housemates who are dotted around the country. And an hour was spent telling stories about me.
The last orders bell rang at 11pm and we gathered outside for a cigarette, and I hugged and kissed each person and then made my way through the snow back home. I'd managed to do something kind of celebratory for my birthday. So close to Christmas and New Years, it always ends up being added onto just a normal night out a week or so after: 'let's go out tonight and make it your birthday night out. We'll just go to The Ruby Lounge and everyone will be there and I'll shout 'It's Andy's birthday!' and then we'll celebrate it all night' is usually how it goes.
Before entering the pub I had met L on the way. I was walking slow in the winter weather and wearing a great outfit (pictured below).L told me I turned the corner and took a drag, flicked my cigarette across the street, and raised my head as I ran my hands through my quiff. She told me it looked premeditated and I need to get over myself. So I told her it was, (it wasn't), and that she should plan her entrances because she really doesn't make the most of them.
I wore this; with an added brown buttoned khaki mac and tie pin I can't seem to find.
All Saints khaki shirt and cut-off brown/grey/navy striped wool tie, also All Saints.
Topman Dark khaki skinny chinos and Fred Perry black leather belt with laurel wreath buckle.
The Vaccines - Post Break-up Sex
They're like those old rock 'n' rollers , but singing about 21st century stuff like fucking your ex because you're wasted and hoping it meant more than just an orgasm. Oh, they're just like those old rock 'n' rollers.