Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Last Night

Why do I feel guilty when I didn't do anything wrong?

I went out last night with J, A, and Y.

J-(best) friend since we were 7.
A-J's boyfriend of about 3 years, on and off.
Y-J's cousin.

I don't mind A, I really don't. I accepted the fact that he takes complete advantage of J. He makes J pay for everything, he makes J drive him everywhere, he throws tantrums when things don't go his way, he gets in moods over nothing and talks to J like a piece of shit. But I accepted that. J did, so I did.
He's great to be around 1 on 1, in a group he tends to like the attention on himself, but when it's just me and him he's not pre-occupied with trying to make a group pay attention to him and he's actually pretty fun.
So I went on a night out with him 2 or 3 weeks ago when J went on holiday.
He pulled a really hot guy, tanned, blond shaggy hair, gorgeous smile.
He told me we could stay at his house.
He told me the next morning that he's sucked his cock.
I told him he should tell J.
He told me he wasn't going to and I shouldn't say anything.

So we were out last night and A was being a dick to J. I can't remember what caused it, but I think A was shouting at J about a guy from work J had been speaking to. And I got sick of hearing A chatting shit and told J that A had cheated on him.
I told him I was sorry for keeping it from him.
I told him I should have told him earlier.
I told him I wish I didn't have to tell him.
He told me he was glad I said it.
He told me it wasn't my fault.
He told me not to feel guilty for not telling him sooner.

But I felt guilty. I felt guilty when I wasn't the one who'd caused this. Fuck A for making me feel guilty over something he did. Fuck A.

So we all got in a taxi and took A home because J didn't want him to stay. A got out and stood at his front door pretending to knock, because that's the sort of thing A does. So J got out, banged on the door at 4am to wake up A's mother, waited until he saw her coming down the stairs and then got back in the taxi and we went back to his house.
Nothing was said about it. Nothing was said about it this morning.
I'm not involving myself anymore.

2 comments:

Micky said...

Hmmn.

I don't really understand why you felt it was your business whether one of a couple had enjoyed sex outside that relationship.

Had they proclaimed they were being monogamous and asked for your help in keeping it that way? (in which case you should have sucked that guy's cock!)

As it happens Pete and I hardly ever have sex outside our relationship because we don't want to.

We both hold that we may do that if we wish - but I wouldn't thank any of our friends for telling me whether he had bonked someone else or not.

He'd tell me himself if the event was at all significant - but that's our business.

Andy said...

Micky-It seems it's hard to judge another couple's relationship unless you witness it first hand because you dont know how wrong you are. I'd seen J on 2 occasions temporarily split up with A due to A kissing other guys. And been asked by J on many occasions previously about any improper activites A had got up to when he wasn't around. Their relationship definitely (fundamentally) was a monogamous one.